Muahahahaaa

As this Halloween wraps up, I am in my living room with my monkeys passed out due to the copius amounts of sugar that they have ingested throughout the day, the original versions of "The Wickerman" on the tube, and an adult beverage on the table.

The day started off with the upstairs neighbors fighting at about 3 this morning and has been a ride since then. I hit the snooze a few more times than I should have so I woke up late. The coffee was a bit weak but that does help with the miles I put on. I hurt from my drive the day before, the back the worse and that worries me, but the sun was out and I tend to be in a good mood when that happens. I really didn't want to work but I knew that it would pass the time and I also worked on my costume, I am not up to the full body monster suit, but working on it.

I found out that the kids were going to miss trick or treating in my neighborhood because it was changed from Friday to Thursday, but my friend invited us to her place to partake of the free begging for sugar so we went. I picked the kids up, we had dinner so as to curb the want for sugar (Yeah, like that worked) and then spent 1.5 hrs walking around my friend's neighborhood and they got good things, I'm talking full sized and no junk. There were no bags of pennies, no apples, no pencils, but Snickers, Reese's Cups, Hershey's and the like. I figured about an easy 8lbs of loot. Tomorrow, that number grows.

I will say that I really wanted to hit on the waitress at the restaurant where we had dinner, but didn't. Part of it was, that she was very appealing, with my luck she was too young. I thought about leaving a business card with my personal number on the back but thought, "Wow, that are being cheesy" so I didn't. But maybe I should have because how many times did she tell the single guy with two kids how polite they were? Yeah, I read too much into things.

I'm just happy because I can see them, they had a "great day" and I am my kid's dad, no matter what.

bacon

Going South (again)

I will spend 4.5 hrs in the beast tomorrow as I head to work in a place that will take me through parts of my state, parts of WV, parts of MD and parts of WV. Then, when work is done, I will drive that same route back home. My butt will hurt a lot, my back will hurt a lot, my mind will hurt a lot because that much time with yourself makes you a bit crazy.

In my last post, I said that I didn't have friends and it came out wrong. I know that I have them it is just not seeing them around, hanging out with them when I really could use to, and just a feeling of isolation that make me say that and it was never my intention too devalue how I think of people. I'm a guy and I say stupid things.

I am off to bed because long hauls make me tired and I just hope the sun is out tomorrow because I need my vitamin D.

daft punk

I have moved on to a point

So, the past week + has been an interesting one. I got into a mood due to the upcoming birthday. I have now moved from a prime number to one that isn't so prime.

I tend to reflect on the past year as my birthday rolls around and all I can say is I am not any where near where I thought I would be. One year ago; wife, kids, dog, house, truck, bills, stuff, parents, family, job, hobby. Now; bills, stuff, parent, family, job. I am going crazy being in the state I am in. I have good days when things seem like they are great and then I have days where they don't. There were going to be changes that I was working on while in my former life, but there were changes going on that I didn't know about. I still hurt at the thought of things and how I could have overlooked things, how I could have been better, how it sucks that I am unhappy.

I read a book where a guy lost the love of his life and was going to go back to his evil ways, but didn't. I have tried to no go back to my evil ways but it is hard. I want to think about the past and think about what I could have done, why things happened when and how they did. I miss my kids and my dog. I need to look to the future and figure out how to handle it. It is tough when you are stuck in the past.

I miss having a friend to talk to be it my ex, my kids or my dog. I don't have friends and I am not a good friend to have. Sometimes I test people to see what they do and they do nothing.

It has been a bad day.

bowling ball

wine and cigars

It sucks.

This time of year was one of joy for me. Sure, there were birthdays to deal with but they didn't bother me other than I am really bad with dates. I loved the changing of the seasons, digging through clothes to find the sweaters, flannels, long pants. The smell in the air of the dead leaves, the look of the trees, and the promise of warm time with ones you love.

I thought about cigars today. I should have placed an order for delivery on November 6th. A sampler because I never knew what to get and being the "bad son" I was the only one to get them for dad. I don't get to do that this year. It sucks.

I thought about waking up on my birthday and not having the kids ask if I have opened their cards. Being the guy I am, I made sure that they got cards for their mom. It sucks.

it sucks.

celery

Cleanliness

Steam cleaning the carpet, scrubbing the bathroom, ironing like a mad man, doing dishes not once but twice, dusting, yeah I am a bit closer to godliness.

Now that my place is clean, it is time to work on my mood. I will admit that I have been in pretty good spirits lately and part of that is because I am not caring too much about what others think. Being a monk, it makes it easy though I will say, I have gotten into dark moods that just really take things out of me. I think part of it is the time of year, part of it is that things are moving forward and I still get stuck in the past.

So, I will sit here eating some ice cream, sweet tooth does show up some times, reading a book that I bought for the kids, listening to what ever comes through the speakers and call it a night. This week coming up is going to be an odd one with things happening at work and Friday I get the kids.

pineapple

Ouch

My knee acted up today when I got out of my office. My back hurt because I left my wallet in my pocket for too long. I have various cuts on my hands from work.

I don't want to give up this job but I might be asked to. It would be a good thing, maybe, if the money is right and the hours are okay. I have heard things, seen sthings and guessed at things for myself with what has happened in the past month at work. I got some sort of confirmation today and it has sent my mind reeling. I know that some people don like what I do, but myabe this is my calling. Maybe I just tend to be good at the jobs I have because of how I am.

I talked to a friend this weekend and she told me that I am still the butt of jokes because I turned down, as it was put at the time, "a sure thing." I was at gathering where I knew very few people, as is often the case, and this one woman was completely wasted and eyeing me up. Was she attractive? Yes she was. Was I a few sheets to the wind? Yes I was. Did I contemplate this "sure thing"? You bet I did. Am I that type of guy? You better believe that I'm not.

I got a double look when I was at work today, actually 2 so that would be one quadruple look? Sometimes I like when things happen to me that don't suck.

socks

List

Having the kids for the weekend: great.

Doing things that take me out of my comfort zone: okay.

Watching "Iron Man" with the boy: awesome.

Being the person who is the reason others loose their jobs: sucks.

Getting great reviews from the higher ups: new.

Watching my little dancer strut her stuff: funny.

Having friends try to set you up on dates: neat.

Having the ex's dog put puke on my leg: gross.

Realizing that it is birthday time: stressful.

Not buying cigars: sad.

Being alone: sucks.

Mini-muffins: tasty.

Getting a new tattoo: soon.

Work: work.

Life: living.

Stuff: there.