So, the past week + has been an interesting one. I got into a mood due to the upcoming birthday. I have now moved from a prime number to one that isn't so prime.
I tend to reflect on the past year as my birthday rolls around and all I can say is I am not any where near where I thought I would be. One year ago; wife, kids, dog, house, truck, bills, stuff, parents, family, job, hobby. Now; bills, stuff, parent, family, job. I am going crazy being in the state I am in. I have good days when things seem like they are great and then I have days where they don't. There were going to be changes that I was working on while in my former life, but there were changes going on that I didn't know about. I still hurt at the thought of things and how I could have overlooked things, how I could have been better, how it sucks that I am unhappy.
I read a book where a guy lost the love of his life and was going to go back to his evil ways, but didn't. I have tried to no go back to my evil ways but it is hard. I want to think about the past and think about what I could have done, why things happened when and how they did. I miss my kids and my dog. I need to look to the future and figure out how to handle it. It is tough when you are stuck in the past.
I miss having a friend to talk to be it my ex, my kids or my dog. I don't have friends and I am not a good friend to have. Sometimes I test people to see what they do and they do nothing.
It has been a bad day.
bowling ball
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