Goodbye

The title is in reference to the year of 2008 because it sucked on a lot of levels, but at the same time was good and thus I have to do a lot of typing. I don't like typing, I'm good at it but that doesn't mean I like it.....*sigh*.....

I'm going to start off with the year in review, bad version:
I lost a pillar in my life in a way that really sucks. No warning, phone call at work, words I will never forget, things that were not supposed to happen. I had to say good bye to my dad without him showing my boy how to drive (behind my back, in the way a grandpa is supposed to do), just as we were becoming friends and not "father and son". I will never look at 2-ply the same way again.
I lost my family because of things. I had the american dream of a wife, 2 kids, a dog, a car, a truck, a house, debt out the wazoo, and happiness but that was taken away because of infidelity.

The above happened within 3 weeks. I was crushed and I won't lie, I thought about how easy it would be to drive into a ditch at 80mph, on a cliff road so that the kids would have money. I really did, more than once, but I also knew that I was too strong for that and so I trudged on. It was hard, harder than some would think (friends said that they would have ended things after all that) but I couldn't because I have 2 kids that mean more to me than some may ever know. I did things alone, sure I had family support but mom was dealing with things, sis was dealing with things and I don't have many friends so I was alone.

Alone sucks. I can go for days without talking to anyone by my kids but that doesn't make things better. Just imagine 8 moths without feeling the touch of someone else. I've done it and will be doing it again. But......

The year in review, good version:

I've learned that I deserve better. I have found out that I am not as bad of a man that I make myself out to be. I have found that there are wonderful women out there that have gone through a lot more than I have and just, for lack of a better word, rock. I have made friends that I wouldn't have a year ago, gone places that I wouldn't have, done things that I may have been afaid to before.

I have learned so much about people, myself and just life in the the past year but I am going to be selfish; I want to be happy. I want to find that one, I want to feel that way, I want to be happy and I feel that I will get those things. Sure, it will take work but I am willing to do that.

I am bear.

If you read this than that means that you are really awesome.
Thank you.




giant mixed nut tin (less than 50% peanuts)